To be able to consent to something, to be able to say no and to be able to receive a refusal all require key skills. These are skills that we have been teaching at Grow Your Mind since we started in 2017. 

Play the music clip!

What do you think consent means?!

5 - 14 year olds

Consent is an agreement between people, or permission for something to happen.  

So the first part is, asking a question:

Do you want to play handball with me?

To which the person might answer yes or no.  

If they are safe and say yes enthusiastically then this is the second and very important part of consent.

However, what about scenario 2?

Scenario 2:

Do you want to play handball with me? If you don't I'll never be your friend anymore.

If the person answers yes - this is NOT consent.

Why do you think that might be? 

Print and display: Golden Rules of Consent poster

Quick activity. Click on the image and explain the concept of a personal space bubble. You can also call this a body boundary.There are some golden rules for respecting yours and other people's personal space bubble. 

1. You are the boss of your body.

2. Others need to ask for permission before touching  you and the same goes for you wanting to touch others.

Children grab small objects (rubber, pencil, pen, ruler) and head outside. Using chalk draw circles around kids starting small and getting larger. Invite children to place their objects which represent the different groups as shown above, at different spots on the circle.

Listen to your inner octopus!

Have you ever noticed your heart beating at a 1000 miles an hour? Or sweaty palms? Or felt super nauseous? Sometimes this might mean that you are about to do something safe, but scary. Perhaps you are about to present something in front of your class. Or compete in the athletics carnival.

However, these signals can also be your body's way of saying: no, don't do this! It is therefore important to listen to your body when someone asks you to do something. What is it telling you?

Listen to: Introducing the Sensitive Octopus episode and reflect on when your octopus may have sent you an alarm that something was off.

Print and complete the

K- 2 student reflection journal 

3- 6 student reflection journal

Print and invite your child to colour in

Listening to your body is a fantastic skill to build on.

Our guard dog (amygdala) cannot tell the difference between a real and a perceived threat. This means it can be great at keeping us safe, but sometimes we have things to do that require courage (speaking in public, participating in the swimming carnival etc) and our guard dog acts as though you are in DANGER! But you are safe!

And on the other end - someone might stand too close to us and our guard dog will let us know we are not safe.

The trick is to stop and remember your guard dog can ask: Is this a threat, a challenge or an opportunity?

Try the activity below to see if you can tell the difference.

5 to 9 year olds:

9 - 14 year olds:

Play above and sing these lyrics together.

PDF version of google slides  

The golden rule for secrets is....:

It's ok to keep them unless doing so is harmful. Let's say someone's life is in danger, someone has been abused or hurt, someone is super unwell or someone is at risk. These are times when keeping a secret is NOT ok.

It can be super tricky to know what to do sometimes. It is normal to feel unsure. Give yourself an extra bit of time by running through the Breathe Think Act traffic light. You don't HAVE to decide on anything straight away.

BREATHE:

Notice how you are feeling (worried, nervous, excited, scared, uncomfortable etc)

THINK:

Do I want to say yes and do I feel safe to say no? Is this something I am really ok with?

ACT:

In a way that is true to you (in line with your values)

If you still cannot decide. Try the: How to make a good decision flow chart below. 

Activity #1: Print and learn the steps to making a good decision

You will notice on the flowchart it says:

"If it's in line with your values, why not?!"

Think/Pair/Share:

Do you happen to know what values are?

Why do you think knowing them might be helpful when making a choice?

Activity #2: Listen to: Lost in The Woods podcast episode 

Use the podcast student journal to dive deep into making decisions

Activity #3: Now listen just to the song: values

And complete the lyrics that are missing

10 - 14 year olds:

Activity #4: If you had to pick 4 values that would help you to make the right choice, what would they be?

Print a list of values to choose from.

Activity #1:Listen to the song!

Activity #2: In pairs - do you remember any of the lines? What stands out to you? Listen again. Repeat!

Activity #3: Study the lyrics of the consent song by filling in the gaps (coming soon)

Activity #4: Look at these lines:

"So stop look and listen when you ask

It’s just being respectful it's not a painful task."

Think/Pair/Share:

What do you think stop, look and listen means? How might it help you to know that the consent is enthusiastic? What are some signs that someone is not feeling comfortable?

Power dynamics mean how much power each person has in an exchange.

Power can change everything about consent.

Power means: the ability to influence or have control

"When it's used respectfully and ethically it can be awesome. But when power is misused it can be devastating" Dr Melissa King

Think/pair share: an example of power being used for good and an example of power being used for bad.

What does this have to do with consent?

A lack of power can affect a person's ability to freely give consent.

A power imbalance is not necessarily unhealthy. But we just need to be aware of it when making decisions. E.g.

teacher - student

coach - team member

older relative - kid

police officer - civilian

rock star - music fan

older kid - younger kid

Activity #1: Can you think of other examples of power imbalances? Try and come with with 2 more examples.

What to do when there is a power imbalance?

Name it!

Check in - use the traffic light activity and the flow chart to help you make a decision.

Remember unless you are able to say no, safely and without negative consequences, consent can't be freely given.

Activity #2: Name the feeling

If you are the one with more power in the relationship you need to check in with the person you have asked to do something. You could say: "Are you ok?" "Are you feeling safe?"  Keep building up your skills in empathy by practising the naming emotions properly activity.

Activity # 3: Role play

Choose one of the power imbalance examples and come up with a reasonable request to do something and a request that is an abuse of power.

E.g. teacher - student

Do your work in silence

Massage my feet during lunch time

Include in your role play who you could turn to for help.

Whenever you read about consent it will talk about help seeking strategies. What do you think that term means?

The good news is - being a Grow Your Mind school means you have been learning help seeking behaviours and will continue to learn them too.

Identifying and knowing your character strengths = help seeking strategy

Understanding what a respectful relationship is = help seeking strategy

Being mindful of how others might be feeling = help seeking strategy

Learning to identify emotions in yourself and others = help seeking strategy

And that we practice asking for help from our peers and trusted adults too.

But how do you know when you should ask for help and when you need to solve it on your own? 

Activity#1: Print and study the Problem Solver flow chart

Activity #2: In pairs come up with 2 examples of problems you could solve on your own and 2 examples of problems where you need to reach out and ask for help.

Activity #3: Role Play! Act out an example of where you need to get help. Use the problem solving flow chart. And include in your role play who and how to ask for help.

At the core of help seeking is being part of a healthy and strong support network. This is slightly different from your safety network which focuses on adults you can turn to for a problem. Being part of a support network means you have good, reliable friends and that you also need to be a good and reliable friend too! Make sure you keep an eye out for signs that a friendship is unhealthy, because if it stays this way you need to change your support network. 

Activity #4: Take a look at the signs that a friendship is unhealthy. In pairs can you come up with 2 more signs? Now come up with 2 helpful things you could do about it. Print this sheet out if you need help with ideas

What about a healthy friendship? What are the must haves for you in order to feel supported?

Activity #5: Keeping in mind Australia's guide to healthy eating. What would be in your guide to a healthy friendship?

Having a good support network means you are also a good friend to others. 

Activity #6: Read this scenario and identify the signs that something may be up for your friend

Molly used to be talkative and outgoing with her peers. And would often join the group text chats. For the last 3 weeks she has been acting busy every lunch time and not sitting with her friends, she isn't replying to texts and seems distant. She doesn't laugh as much and never puts her hands up in class when its clear she knows the answer. 

Activity #7:   Come up with what you could do to help your friend. And discuss:

What are the limitations to asking if someone is ok via text? What are the benefits?

See Season 3 podcast for other ways to boost healthy friendships.

Sometimes it can feel awkward and tricky to say no to friends.This is normal, it could be because of peer pressure - you know that feeling you have when you think your friends want you to do something and you believe that you need to do it in order to be accepted?

But there is another reason why saying 'no' can feel hard.  Many of us feel we need to be polite or nice and that we should please others. Arrrgggh try and shake this off if you can! 

In the meantime practice saying 'no' without saying the word 'no'! It's better than feeling compelled to say yes on the spot and then regretting it.

Activity #1: 

Using the: Other ways to say no image, can you add a few more ways to say no in? 

Activity #2:

Now brainstorm 5 questions and ways to respond with a 'no' that doesn't involve the word. Act it out.

Hearing a 'no' from someone can trigger a whole pile of BIG and uncomfortable emotions. Feel whatever you like. It is not ok to act in a way that is aggressive, sulky, disrespectful or violent because of these feelings. Practice when you hear a no and practice responding respectfully to a no!

Activity #1: 

Role play hearing a no - taking the steps from: when you hear a no. There should be a pause to allow this to happen before using the: respond respectfully to a no sheet.

Listen to Season 3 of the Grow Your Mind podcast 

Download and print the student podcast journal 

Resource list for season 3 of the podcast

Literature that supports respectful relationships

Study the Grow Your Mind podcast songs

Bite sized audio

Snippets with discussion questions